it's for your own good

For example, for me, today, the Noah story, in which God wipes out all living except one boatload of refugees, has become profoundly disturbing...In recent years, though, I began thinking about how some might use the story as a "constitutional precedent"--if God single-handedly practices "ethnic cleaning" once, and if God cannot do evil, then there is apparently a time and place when genocide is justified. And that means that maybe we (or our enemies) could be justified in playing the genocide card again at some point in the future--another sobering reason to take this quest for a new kind of Christianity seriously in spite of the risks and opposition.
Brian McLaren, A New Kind of Christian, pp. 108-109

Ah, those loving, caring people on the Left, who while accusing other people of seeing demons behind every rock and bush, do themselves seem to see them in every page of the Bible. How kind of them, to try to spin events in the Bible, so that we will not think that God is really one who would destroy the world with a flood, or that Christ would return in a mood for judgment.

Bearing that in mind, I offer that we continue McLaren's "divine cleansing" of the Bible. Here are some other examples of things that would be, shall we say, rethought, if not completely turned on their heads, lest we simpletons misunderstand.

Lest we think that women are the problem, we should remove the story of Eve being the first one who fell for the serpent's temptation.

Lest we think that God has something against elder sons, we should get rid of the stories of Cain and Abel, as well as Jacob and Esau.

Lest we think that God wants us to participate in global overpopulation, we should completely remove Jacob, because he had at least 13 kids.

Lest we think that God likes cupbearers and/or hates bakers, we should get rid of the account of Joseph interpreting the dreams of those two men while in prison.

Lest we think that God dislikes shoes, we should get rid of the story of Moses and the burning bush.

Lest we think that God uses natural disasters to send messages, we should get rid of the whole account of Moses and the disasters in Egypts--especially that last one, which ties in with God's hatred of elder sons.

Lest we think that God likes laws, we should get rid of all of the books of the Law of Moses.

Lest we think that God likes conquest, we should remove the book of Joshua.

Lest we think that God isn't ecumenical, we should remove the book of Judges.

Lest we think that God likes marriages based on law and not love, we should remove Ruth.

Lest we think that God hates tall people, we should get rid of the story of David and Goliath.

I hope those are enough to give you the picture.